Lover

I dont dream of much, I am a woman
I cant drink beer and I cant feel nothing
I try to be less selfish in words
but it never fails to plunge
back into the thoughts of my own world
the one that no one cares to explore
I drink from a cold faucet, lips touching the rawness of metal
I reach for a cigarette, topless, hoping for some kind of sign.
I've awaken in many different places, face, and textures
just at inconvenient times.
you said once that I was wonderful and I guess that could be said of many
my hands cannot grasp much
my mouth speaks words that I do not control
still I lay awake at night staring at the little glimmers of open hope on the wall.
I want to be ice and not give anything away
I want to horde my body to myself,
I want no part in love.
yet I still yearn for it like nothing else.